Our life so far..

FML my laptop broke hopefully it will be fixed by the end of this week.  Its totes lamesauce!

So it's the 21st of March and we all know what that means.. Callen is 14 months old, 14 freakin' months. He amazes me everyday with the amount of different things he can do. My little boy is just plain awesome. So I finally sent Callen's application to Eric so I can get his passport. I had to pay 20 freakin' dollars to express post it but it's so worth it. I just want all of this legal stuff to be over. Even though I know it will never fully end until I have full custody. Hopefully Eric will do what I told him to do and get this shit done ASAP. I'm hoping to go down for a visit in May of this year. Tickets are a reasonable price but I would like to have all of this settled before I buy the ticket. I am so eager to finally introduce Callen to his daddy but I'm super nervous at the same time. If and when this happens I will still need to get a letter from Eric signed by a lawyer stating that it is OK for me to travel out of the country with Callen. I kno

So I'm online flirting with some random that I've had on my MSN for like 5 years now. He's a nice guy, he knows I have a son (which he has no problem with) but he lives in Kentucky. Well that just sucks right? I don't know why but I feel like I want a boy in my life. A want a cute boy that is A-OK with me having a son because that is definitely a no no if you are not OK with my boogs. I was talking with a guy that I have known since I was in grade 9 but he's just not my type. If I were to be with him I would feel like I was just settling and that just not something I want to do. I mean I eventually want to get married and have more kids but I should do it with someone that I WANT to be with not someone just because I want companionship with. This is a random mess of loneliness. Please ignore my selfishness.

I want more in life then staying at home. I want to be able to go to school and have a career that I love. I want my son to grown up being proud of me. I don't know what has gotten into me but I feel like I could be doing so much more in my life then I currenty am. IDKIDKIDKIDKIDKIDK. I'll add more later.

So every night after I put callen to bed I usually go to the gym and work out for about a half an hour. Well tonight Americas next top model was on at 8 so I planned to go at 9. After it was over I had the strongest urge to stay home, so I did. No more then 20 minutes later I hear callen screaming bloody murder. I know he's having a nightmare. I hate when he has nightmares. They make me so nervous and I'm the only one that can calm him down. So I don't know what or why I felt like I should stay home tonight but I am so glad I did. He's now sound asleep once again and I'm finally able to calm myself down as well. Blah, I get so worked up when this happens.

So, The count down for weight loss has begun! Pre-pregnancy I was somewhere between 130 and 135 I liked my body then but wouldn't have minded losing a little more maybe 125? Well now I'm a whopping 180 pounds! Damn being able to eat anything for nine months!! Anyway today was my first day getting back into the gym, I was uber excited! I didn't want to over work my body so I only ran for 20 minutes. I LOVE running, I miss it so much. Mom was watching Callen so I couldn't be gone for too long. I go to Anytime Fitness so i can pretty much go anytime of the day I want. Which is amazing since after I put Callen to bed at night I can literally walk over to the gym and have a nice long work out while someone at home listenes for Callen. (One good thing about living at home again) I'm really hoping to lose this extra 50 pounds by September, that's when I start school. That'll be 6 months. I think that's pretty realistic. In October we're going down to

Why is that when I want to do something for myself I'm selfish? Its not like I want to go out every night and party and get wasted off my ass. All I'm asking is a half an hour 5 or 6 days a week to go to the local gym and work out. After callen falls asleep for the night my parents could atleast listen for him. He rarely wakes up in the middle of the night anymore and its not like ill be gone all night. Ugh I want to do this one thing for myself so I stop feeling so depressed about my body. I mean seriously going from 130 pounds to 175 pounds is a big jump. Everyone is always like lose weight and you'll feel so much better, well how the fuck do you expect me to lose the weight? I eat right and I still don't lose weight I obviously need to be doing something physical to get this awful amount of weight off. UGH! OK rant over.

So my baby is walking. (YAAAAAAY!) Anyway, my apartment building got flooded so back to my parents house I went. I don't know how long I'll be here but I hope it's only a short time. I'm looking at some apartments now. They seem..nice. I've registered for school, yay for finally graduating high school. I'll start in September and I'll only have to go for a year and a half which is perfect. The credits were so different on my transcript we had to re-calculate them all. I only need 30 to graduate and I've got 17 right now. Exciting, this is something I've really wanted to do. I know GED was not for me. I just had to be the one to push myself to do this. This summer I'll be doing co-op to earn 2 extra credits that will help me graduate sooner. My mom will most likely watch Callen while I do co-op since it's only part of the day. When I start school he will most likely be in a local daycare, I know I'll cry leaving him all day long. Since w