Our life so far..

I'm watching Oprah and it's about men being molested and staying quiet about it. This makes me so upset to think about all of the men that have gone through this. Women as well but you always here about the women that went through it but do you really ever hear about the men? God, I would literally kill someone if they touched my son in ANY way inappropriate . Clearly I'm ranting but it makes me so sick.

So, I'm sitting here writing this as Callen rolls around on the floor. I watch him do the most amazing things everyday but I can't help but think, would things be different if Eric was with us? I mean I know it's my fault that we're not together as a family but would it reaally have been worth it? I would have been so unhappy living in a place that would have never feel like home. Excuse my rambling thoughts. Here's an update since I can't seem to keep track of this. Callen is 9 months old, soon be 10 months old. (HOLYCRAP) He is so amazing he learns so many new things everyday. HE can clap, dance, mimic you do EVERYTHING!, army crawl, sit up by himself like if he is laying down he can put himself in the sitting position, he can say: MAMA, DADA, NANA, BABA, HI. He can wave hi and bye-bye, he just learned this weekend how to do the pinser grab and feed himself with his fingers. He was mickey mouse for halloweenbut he didn't go trick OR treating, I just didn...

So, it has been a while. I think I've given up on the whole 30day letter thing I may try and get back into it but probably not. I think I'll give an update on everything tonight after Callen goes to bed. I will say I can not believe how big he is getting he'll be 9 months old this week. It is SO crazy!

I think Eric is on my mind alot. The father of my son. I constantly thinkabout how it would have been if we would have been together if I would have stayed down there in Iowa. Now I'm thinking about him. He is either on my mind for good reasons or bad reasons. Blah, he irrates me so much sometimes. I wish he wouldjust give a fuck about his son for once and be like BRIT MOVE BACK HERE WITH ME! yes in capital and screaming at me because I would do it. I think we would work. I think we would make an awesome family and have more cute babies. I want my son to have his father. Sam, I truley think he has been my hardest break up. We both cheatedon eachother I'll admit it. It was aHORRIBLE thing that I did but he did it too. I remember crying so hard over this boy. Ugh, Ican't even talk/write about it now without getting a little upset. Hewas my heart. He wasthe sweetest boy. We got eachother, I remember our sleep overs and our lameass jokes. like journey to the center of the earth...

I think steph daley. I don't evenknow what happened to her. I know I moved away but than all of the sudden she moved to a different town and suddenly she was a lesbian I don't know what went down but she was mhy best friend growing up we were always together. Her & Casey. Casey was my bestfriend she was odd in her was like her loves for Harry Potter I loved it. Howshe got me addicted to plain chips dipped in cream cheese. It's SO good. I don't know who I want to be. I want to be myself but in the best way possible. Like be an amazing mom to my son. I just want to be a friendly person. Isort of want to start over, not be so shy and timid. I want to be outgoing and draw a crowd. But subtle when need be.

Hmm, who do I miss the most? I don't even know. I miss alot of my friends from Iowa like my good friends. The first girls I met there and actually joined me to their group. Them I miss. I guess they could becombined into both topics. I mean neither are in my country and I do miss them. Kylie, Shelby & Jessie. They were so amazing to me. We were all really close. You know what I actualyy miss Jake too. He was awesome. He gave memy nickname canadian or canada. I lovethe boy. Such a country boy but he was awesome I remember going for drives with him after school and talking about eachothers signifcant others. Uh, I love him. Fuck I miss them. And the mexican, I miss her too.

I'm combining this into one. She will probably be in more letters. Alexandra, my jewie. I left her in the summer of 2008 when I moved to Iowa. Leaving without saying goodbye was the stpidest thing I could have done. We had a talk when we met up after I moved back to Canada but it's not the same. I miss the girl who I used to spend EVERY SINGLE day with. I mean every day. I hated how I treated her sometimes. She was my sister. I should have never disrespected her like that. Uh, I don't even know what to write besides that I miss her and our hilarous times together.

Hmm , this is a tough one. I don't think as of now that I actually hate someone who has caused me a lot of pain. I mean I love parents but they constantly fight and that causes me pain. I really don't want my son to have to grow up in this house with them fighting over little things. I know me and Callen won't be here for much longer but I don't want him to hear that, I want him to think his grandparents are as happy & loving to each other as they are to him. But i definitely do not hate them.

If I could talk to someone more it would be Callens father. I have come to learn that he is a really great guy but he is just busy with his life and I completely understand that I just wish I could talk to him more. He's so funny and we get each other so easily. WE understand each other . If we could I would want to be with him not just for Callens sake but because he is so amazing. I think he would be an unbelievable father for his son. A deceased person, I think I would choose two people actually. I would choose my Grandpa & my Omi. My grandpa died before I really got to know him he lived in Iowa and my family lives in Canada. I wish he could see his Great Grandson. I would want to know about his life. I miss you Grandpa. Omi, I never got to meet her. She died while my mom was pregnant with me. I really wish I got the chance to talk to her about her life in Germany honestly, I wish I could have been spoiled by her like my older sister was. Thats not the only reason thoug...

I missed yesterday but I'm combining these into one. My favorite Internet friend is definitely Kyle Greenwalt . I absolutely love this boy even though we don't talk anymore. I remember or cute little sessions on stickam and the first time i went into his chat room thing. He is the funniest boy, I love that he doesn't care what people think about him. I would love to meet him in real life. He would be so much fun to hang out with plus his mom is awesome too haha . I miss him, talking ALL the time it was one of the best parts of my days. When i moved to Iowa I didn't know anyone there but we would get on stickam or text each other and he would make me feel so much better .

Sam, you have taught me not to trust the first pretty boy I meet somewhere new. You made me a stronger girl. I don't have much to say to you besides that you took advantage of me so bad. & that I will never forgive or forget whatyou did and who you did it with you sick fuck. I just wish I could have told the school board before I left that school. Have a nice life you half wit T.A fucking cheater. The End! haha

Dear Stranger Lady I saw at walmart awhile ago. I could clearly see the way you were looking at me like I was a peice of trash. I know you heard me when I yelled take a picture it last longer bitch. Just because I am a mom who happens to be a teenager does not give you the right to give me snarky looks the 3 or 4 times you saw me. I was not dressed inapporeatley like most teen girls my age I had a baby. I feel like I am a good mom so if you don't like it that don't look BITCH! This will probably be my meanest letter

Dreams that I have for myself. I want to become a high school Biology teacher, make a decent income to provide for Callen. If I am still raising him on my own when that dream comes true. I want to be the best mom I can be to him. I dream of having a nice house big enough for maybe 2 more kids and a husband. I dream for an amazing father for Callen. If I could be I would choose to be with Callen's real dad but that we will just play by ear. I really wish my dreams would come true. They seem like general easier goals to achive.

Nicole, my sister. You had many different names growing up. My favourtie is Sissy. You are my big sister. I have always looked up to you. You have been there for me my whole life so far. I breaks my heart that we live so far away from eachother. I wish I could see you more often. We always have the most amazingly hilarous times together. Like singing christmas songs out the window at midnight in the middle of July. I love that we can talk about anything and everything. Your my sissy, my partner in crime. I Love You.

Wow, what to say about my amazing parents. First my mom, you have been there for me whenever I needed you and you still are. Going through a pregnancy and giving birth at seventeen is not an easy thing to do but having you by my side made me feel at ease. I remember when Callen was born I looked over to my left and you were crying. I remember thinking, I could've never done this without you. I love you mama, you are my bestfriend. Daddy, you are always the silent one. I know you love me in your own way I kind of wish you would voice your love toward me.but everyone is different. I remember when I finally told you and mom that I was pregnant you sat on the bed and held me and rubbed my back as i sat in your arms and cried my eyes out. I love you daddy. You both are the most amazing parents anyone could ever ask for. I love you both so much.

I feel bad because I don't really have a crush. I haven't been around enough boys lately to have crushes. So this post is gonna suck.

Callen Phillip, You are my best friend. You are my son. You have only been in my life for 6 months and I can tell you the honest truth that this has been the best 6 months of my life. I couldn't imagine my life now without you. Even though you can't understand a single word I say to you now I know you love me and I hope you know that I love you so much. You are the one boy I know who won't break my heart. I'll be there for you whenever you need me, not only because I am your mom but because whenever you need someone to talk to I want to be one of the people you can trust with your secrets. I love you little boogashrimpers. momma

I've seen this on facebook this past week & i've decided that I am going to do this or atlease try to do it for the next 30 days. A Letter to Day 1 — Your Best Friend Day 2 — Your Crush Day 3 — Your parents Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative) Day 5 — Your dreams Day 6 — A stranger Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from Day 15 — The person you miss the most Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country Day 17 — Someone from your childhood Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest Day 21 — Someone you judged by their fi...

So, I am a HORRIBLE update keeper haha. I'll get you caught up to date on what sbeen going on in my life so far. So, Callen is now four months old. It's so crazy to think of that. He has his 4 month check-up/shots on the 8th of June. He's growing like a weed! I am no longer in contact with Callens father, I really don't know what happened. He hasn't asked about his son on over 2 months so I have stopped any contact with him. Even though that doesn't matter because he doesn't try to reach me any way. I think I have finally found the right guy for me. I have known him for about 2 years he lives in Virgina but is moving to Canada with his family sometime this year. I'm so excited. We have just recently started to reconnect so we want to see where this path will take us. He is compleley cool with me having a son and there is nothing greater that I could ask for. He is completley amazing. So I just though I would make a quick update to get you all caught up. ...

so, i'm sitting here thinking about how could eric possibly think callen isn't his son. i mean come on, he is like a mini you. i hate the fact that he doesn't even care about him anymore, callen deserves so much better than a father who only wants to text "every other day" - his words not mine. i mean seriously? i have started talking to a boy i've know since i was like eight? again mike, he is so sweet. we had talked practactly all day yesterday, he asked about eric and if he was involved and i was honest and said, kind of but not really, which is true. michael was so upset at the fact that eric didn't mind he was being a douche. michael is so inlove with callen, i love it! he wants to come over and meet him and hang out. i know i don't want to start dating or anything but this could be nice for callen to have an actual strong male role in his life while he is so young (2 months). even though he has no ideas what is actually going on. i think this wil...

wow, so alot has changed. lets see, finished junior year at grinnell dated an amazing guy named sam, ended horribly. met some awesome people, fell for the hot football player eric got myself pregnant, yay me! haha Started senior year in grinnell until people started to realized that i was infact pregnant, me being the coward drop out & we (the family) moved back to canada. we planned on moving back anyway but we just moved back alot sooner than planned. we moved back in december and i was due in January, i didn't tell the babys father that i was pregnant i just kinda, uh, left. i know i'm horrible. well, on January 21, 2010. 3 days after my due date i had my beautiful son Callen Phillip. after 2 days in the hospital i came home to find out the people where i used to live had found out i had Callen they were harrasing my calling me a horrible mom for taking Callen away from eric. Eric called me and we talked about everything and how we will get a paterinty test and eric wi...